The Sinister Triple Dog Dare
by madetohealxx
Summary: Tony dares Clint to lick Bucky's metal arm as part of a science experiment. The results are not quite what Clint was expecting. (Set in the Earth's Mightiest Diner universe, but should make sense on its own.)


It was all Tony's fault, of course. Clint felt that went without saying since just about every problem he had could be traced back to Tony Stark, but this one was _especially_ Tony's fault.

After Clint had snuck up behind Bucky and Natasha and licked Bucky's metal arm, and after he had realized that _A Christmas Story_ hadn't been lying about licking metal in the middle of winter, and after Tony's giggles had faded away as he ran back home, Natasha had decided to make Clint walk back to the tower without freeing his tongue.

"Come on Natatha!"

"No."

Clint batted his eyelashes. "If you love me, thet me fwee."

She raised an eyebrow. "Nice try. Besides, this is much easier than dragging you back by the ear would be in these gloves."

"For you, maybe," Bucky muttered.

Natasha smiled and started walking. "Well, yes."

They managed two blocks before Clint's grumbling started to form actual words. He was trailing behind Bucky and Natasha, half bent over to keep his tongue attached to the back of Bucky's arm. He could have freed himself easily enough, but it seemed smarter to risk frostbite than Natasha's likely retribution. Besides, she wouldn't let his tongue fall off. Probably. "Fucking Thtark," he muttered darkly.

"Did he hold a repulsor to your head?" Natasha didn't even spare him a glance, but he could sense the eyeroll anyway.

"He dahed me!"

"So your honor was at stake."

"Yeth!" Clint managed to go half a block before adding, "It wath a chiple dog dahe, Tatha, what wath I thupothed to do?"

"He triple dog dared you to get your tongue stuck to James's arm?"

"I wath helping with thienthe, I din't know I'd get _thtuck_."

Natasha usually tried to avoid being dragged down the rabbit hole with him, but she couldn't resist this time. "What kind of science were you two doing that involves _licking_ people?"

"Diagnothticth."

Bucky stopped and half-turned to look at Clint over his shoulder. "You were trying to find out what my arm is made out of?" Clint tried to nod. "By licking it. In New York City. In February." Clint kept nodding. "Wow," he said with a snicker, "you guys are good at science."

Natasha had stopped a few feet up the street from them, but now she walked back and smacked them both on the head. She cut off their protests with a string of muttered Russian about how licking people did not constitute science, no matter what the temperature was, before stalking back up the street.

Bucky watched her go for a moment before turning back to Clint. "We should probably try to keep up," he said with a shrug. Clint groaned at the movement but started walking.

He followed behind them for several more blocks, trying to keep up while hunched over and unable to see where they were going. "Can we thlow down?" Clint finally asked. "Thith ith uncomftable."

Natasha and Bucky stopped, nearly in unison. She turned to glare at Clint and her eyes narrowed just a fraction when he ran into the back of Bucky's arm, but she smiled at his clumsy swearing. "You should have thought about that before attaching yourself to his arm."

"It wath an unexpected conthequenth!"

Natasha turned quickly, but not fast enough to hide the grin that was tugging at her lips. She and Bucky continued walking at a slightly slower pace, weaving through what little foot traffic there was in the last few blocks before they arrived back at the Avengers Tower.

Natasha sighed dramatically but held the front door of the diner open anyway as Bucky and Clint awkwardly shuffled inside. Despite the freezing temperatures outside, the diner was mostly empty. The rest of the team was gathered at the counter, watching Tony gesture emphatically about something. Natasha was fairly certain they all had their Tony No faces on. Failed "science" experiments usually had that effect on them.

Clint was busy scowling at Tony around the side of Bucky's arm and muttering curses about freezing parts of Stark's anatomy and therefore completely missed the last step into the diner. Natasha's hand shot out to grab the back of Clint's jacket, but she was too late. Clint was already hanging onto Bucky's metal arm with both hands to save himself and the added weight knocked him off balance. Natasha lithely stepped back to avoid ending up in a heap with the two of them as they fell. She was impressed despite herself at Clint's ability able to ride Bucky to the floor without further injuring anyone.

When the commotion finally settled, Clint sat up as far as he could without completely disentangling himself from Bucky. He surveyed the roomful of nonplussed faces from his vantage point of straddling the Winter Soldier with his tongue still stuck to Bucky's metal arm.

"Okay, thith lookth bad."

There was a beat of silence before Tony started giggling.

* * *

for kl, in exchange for a hostage 3


End file.
